I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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