We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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