what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
