I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
