I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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