3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
