just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My ass is underappreciated
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
