you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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