just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
