dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
