Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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