i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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