Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
being pregnant is like rehab
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
