I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
