Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He did a backflip because drugs
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