need another drink. this is the easiest way
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
