Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
