Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it glows. i had to have it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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