also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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