Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
