absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
