He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's shark week go big or go home
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
