Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
