Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
