If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
