Define "chronic" masturbator.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
jump out the window naked night went bad
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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