Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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