im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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