i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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