My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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