He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
