Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
from now on my penis is your penis
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
