Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
