you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
