hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
