Can i not drive my cunt home
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
