Who wears a wallet chain?!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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