i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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