And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
