You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
