I'm jealous of your bromance
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
