There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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