This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Who died my cat blue again?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
