It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
