I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Randomize
