There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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