it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
