So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
