he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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