she woke up with a sticky ear
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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