: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
