Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
