You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Too much gin, very little bucket
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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