she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
