remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
