Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
