if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize