she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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