I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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