I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
