Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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