When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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