That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
