I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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