Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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