Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
