if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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