Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
