youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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