god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
