Can Purell be used as lube?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize