I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Welp...herpes.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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