I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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